Honesty Hour: Feelings

My aunt shared something with me a few months ago and she started it with “This is ridiculous but I just feel…” and let me be the one to tell you this:

Whatever you’re feeling, it’s not ridiculous. Your feelings matter and they are valid regardless of whatever situation you’re going through. And they’re valid because you’re you and whatever you’re going through is real. No matter what situation you’re facing: happy, sad, or mad, let yourself feel whatever the feeling is. You have permission to feel your feelings.

---

Last summer, right before my grandmother died, during that weird stretch of time where you’re just waiting on that phone call, I was sitting in the pool reading my book and having a nice day. The weather was good, the water felt good, my book was good. I was content and at peace. All of a sudden I felt this pang in my chest, almost like someone punched me, where I suddenly remembered that my grandmother was about to die. And it took the breath right out of me. That feeling of not being able to breathe because I felt like I got sucker-punched lasted for all of 10 seconds. The feeling passed and I went back to my book.

The same thing happened a few days before that.

I used to take her grocery shopping at Kroger every Wednesday. I knew the items she bought by heart. Once after she had surgery and couldn’t grocery shop, I went and shopped for her with a list because I knew the exact items she liked down to the brand and size. After she passed, I’ve gone to the grocery store & seen items that she loved and that we’ve bought together and immediately felt this overwhelming sadness because in that moment, I realized she was gone. She would never eat or drink those things again and we’d never grocery shop for them together again. That feeling of sadness eventually passed a few hours later.

I have sat around the kitchen table with my family laughing and sharing stories and having a good time feeling happy and completely content because I love laughter and good quality time. That feeling of happiness and lightness eventually passed.

I went to a concert in November and it was literally the best night of my entire year. Was the concert that good or did my year suck? Honestly, a little of both. But the point is, it was the best night. I had been looking forward to that night for 6 months & it was finally there and the concert did not disappoint. I danced and sang at the top of my lungs for 3.5 hours. I was losing my voice by the time we left. I was so freaking happy. The happiness high lasted for about 24 hours but eventually, it faded and “real life” resumed.

---

I write all of that to say that feelings, good or bad, whether we want them to or not, don’t last. I’ve had sad moments that passed and happy moments that passed. Things change. Feelings change.

That does not mean that they shouldn’t be felt while they’re here. They shouldn’t be disregarded and brushed under the rug. (I mainly mean this about the negative feelings because who pushes happiness and contentment to the side when they’re feeling it? Not me.)

So…perceived negative feelings: sadness, anger, anxiety, etc.

They need to be felt and acknowledged while they’re here. You’re only hurting yourself if you push them away and don’t address them.

One thing that got me through those moments of sadness is remembering that it isn’t going to last forever. It’s just right now, right this minute or hour, or even a day. The next minute, hour, or day things could change.

Another thing that got me through those moments is asking myself what I’m feeling. Actually labeling that feeling. Am I feeling sad? Is it anger? Is it comparison getting in my head and robbing me of my joy?

Next is addressing why I’m feeling that. So for the first two examples above, it was sadness and I was feeling that sadness because my grandmother was about to pass away and then because my grandmother was gone, really gone, and I was reminded of that all over again.

Once I know what I’m feeling and why, I can sit with that. It’s easier to feel your feelings when you know what they are and where they come from. I can be sad or angry over whatever it is for however long it lasts.

---

I’ve felt a LOT of feelings this past year and a wide range of them that I don’t have the space to even touch on here but the important things to remember are to breathe, remember that it will pass, and to acknowledge them when they arrive. Feelings are okay. Feeling feelings are important.

If you need permission to feel your feelings, then let me be the one to tell you: You have permission to feel your feelings. Go ahead. Sit with it, acknowledge it, process it and begin to move forward into the next moment and whatever feeling that moment may have in store for you and continue the process of sitting with it and acknowledging it. Blowing off and ignoring whatever it is you’re feeling (and whatever feeling keeps popping up) isn’t going to do you any good in the long run. So, whenever a feeling arises that you’d rather brush off and label as “ridiculous” or ignore it and seek a better feeling here’s what you do:

Breathe. Acknowledge it. Breathe. Process it (for as long as you need). Breathe. And then move forward.

You’re going to be okay. You have permission to feel your feelings.

Love,

Interested in more Honesty Hour posts? Click here to read the first.