Honesty Hour: And Here We Are…

I went to Target the other day. (Don’t judge me, it was for necessities.) It was weird being out among other people because that’s where things are at now: I feel odd being around people I don’t live with & am not related to.

Most people had on masks which was weird to see even if it is the socially responsible thing to do.

It’s hard.

It’s hard to see that.

It’s hard to see parking lots that are usually packed be completely empty.

It’s hard to know what the world is going through.

It’s hard to know that it hasn’t reached its worst in Georgia.

It’s hard to imagine what everyone on the frontlines are experiencing right now.

It’s hard to know that the world & life as we were used to is gone. A new normal will resume eventually but not the one we had in January or February (and in some ways, that’s probably not a bad thing). We will be forever changed & this is what I will be telling my kids about one day.

It’s crazy & hard & emotional. And it’s just now sinking in.

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At the beginning of this social distancing thing a month ago, I realized that my life hadn’t changed all that much. The only thing that really changed was that I wasn’t going to Chick-Fil-A as often & I was being even more careful when I did.

Staying home was/is pretty easy. I’m doing my part & keeping myself & my loved ones safe by staying home.

But you know what they say right? It’s all fun & games until you’re told that you can’t do something or go somewhere. Then alllll you want to do is that thing you can’t. That’s kinda where we are at in my house.

We want to go somewhere but most places aren’t open & even if they were, we don’t want to be around others for our sake & theirs.

Some days are easier than others to be perfectly content not leaving the house (even to go through a drive-thru for lunch). Some days it all just bums me out.

Some days I am super productive & on top of my to-do list. And for whatever reason, even though my life hasn’t actually changed all that much, using all of this free time to do all the things that are on my To-Do List or things that I thought I didn’t have the time for (like learning to braid my hair (not kidding *insert eye roll here*)). Some days I select 1-2 things I really want/need to get done & spend the rest of my day reading or watching TV.

Right now, it’s all about balancing the variety of emotions that are present during this time: good & bad.

There are 3 phrases that help me on those days where it’s just freaking hard to process everything that’s happening:

1. Staying home is the bravest thing we can do. Staying home is the greatest weapon we have right now against this virus.
2. You are not stuck at home. You’re safe at home. /// One word can change your perspective completely.
3. Quarantine is a privilege. /// Not everyone can stay home & be safe with their loved ones even though they most definitely would love too. We’re lucky that we can stay home. Not everyone has this privilege.

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I’ve been job searching for quite a while & the process of job searching, the not hearing back, the waiting game, the not being employed, how I feel it looks to other people, it’s exhausting.

Imagine how I felt when I realized that I wouldn’t be getting hired anytime soon due to this pandemic. Didn’t feel too great knowing that it would be a couple of more months before that option was fully open again. (Yes, I know some places are still hiring but being entry-level doesn’t make it easier.)

I’ve always tried to trust God & remember that He has a plan. I trust Him & if that job that I interviewed for was not the right fit, then I trust Him. It’s all good & I’ll be okay & ready for the right thing that He wants for me.

That’s obviously not always easy when you’re in the thick of it.

Fast forward to a global pandemic & me trying not to think about how I’m going to continue to be unemployed for a bit longer.

I read in theSkimm (they give you the skim on daily global new, it’s great & I highly recommend it) a couple of weeks ago now that a company that I had applied to for 2 different jobs was laying off tens of thousands of people. Tens of thousands.

With the jobs I was applying to at those companies, I probably would have been one of those tens of thousands.

Here’s the light in this story: God has a plan. He knows what’s coming before we do. I had no idea a pandemic was heading our way when I applied to those jobs (& countless others). He knew the whole time that if I got one of those jobs, I would’ve ended up right back where I started after only a couple of months: job searching. Let me tell you that that would’ve thrown me for a loop after how long I’ve been job searching. And God knows that. He was looking out for me & protecting me the entire time. I just didn’t know from what.

Even though everything is uncertain, crazy, weird, and frustrating at times, I’m taking comfort in knowing that God knows what’s going to happen & that He has a plan. That there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. One day we will gather again & be able to be in groups, hug one another & go to Target for a Thursday afternoon stroll to let Target tell us what we need. One day.

This too shall pass. But we are all in it together.

Love,